The Savior of The Mind
by CornLover2004
Summary: As Kara sank into the water, she saw her mother and Mon-el. She knew she would see them soon. She was pulled from her fantasies when she realized she was still alive. Trigger Warning for Depression/Suicide Season 3 AU (starting from right before the "Wake Up" scene)
1. Chapter 1 - Faces in the Water

This story starts in season 3 episode 1, where Kara is in the water, but instead of Mon-El telling her to "wake up", things take a toll for the worst.

 **Trigger Warning: Drowning, Suicidal Thoughts, Depression**

* * *

Pain.

It coursed through Kara's body, it was the only thing she could feel. The water around her swirled in circles as she sank deeper. She could swim if she tried hard enough. This was what she deserved, though.

She was broken, an awful hero, and she let Mon-El die. As the water grew darker, the final breath of air left her lungs. All Kara felt was relief as she realized what this would mean. Her dreams would finally come true, her mother, Mon- El, her father, they would all be waiting for her in the afterlife. Before the world turned black around her, the kryptonian's lips folded into a smile.

* * *

"J'onn, she's not answering," Alex tried to hide her worried tone to no avail, "You've got to do something, please."

J'onn nodded, concentrating on his form. The shift came natural to him, his natural green skin and martian garb covered him. He didn't have time to take in the good feeling it gave him, he had to save Kara.

He took a great leap, propelling himself into the air. His alien body dove into the water, and he focused on any brainwaves in the water. He wouldn't be able to read her mind but sensing it would be easy. Unless she was dead, then there wouldn't be any.

Kara was close, but she was slipping fast. The brainwaves were lingering and J'onn had to act fast. He held his breath tight and swam as fast as he could. He spotted the kryptonian sinking slowly through the waves. He picked up her limp body and propelled himself upwards. The end of the water was close, and he could hold his breath just a little longer.

The martian propelled himself one last time and his body flew into the air. He shifted his weight forwards and towards the dock, his body soaring through the sky. He landed swiftly yet softly on the wood and gently placed Kara onto the floor.

Kara's eyes stayed shut, but her heart was still breathing. Alex acted right away, kneeling down to Kara's level and tilting her head to the side. Water fell from Kara's nose and mouth, but she still wasn't awake. Alex tilted her sister's head back into the upright position and pinched Kara's nostrils closed. Alex pressed her mouth against Kara's and blew two quick breathes. She watched to see if Kara's chest rose, it didn't. Alex repeated the process, still no breathing. Alex tried a third time. Leaning her cheek close to Kara's mouth, she felt a warm breath.

Kara's chest rose slowly and then back down again. As she regained consciousness, she felt sick. She rolled onto her stomach and coughed up excess water that was still in her system. Looking around at the people surrounding her, she realized where she was. She wasn't with her mother or Mon-el like she had dreamt of so many times before, instead she was back on Earth. Even though she was alive, all the kryptonian could feel was anger. She was so close to being happy, and they took it all away.

"Who saved me?" Kara tried to say in a straight tone, but a little anger came out at the end. She rose to stand, shaking as she did so.

"J'onn did. I did as well," Alex looked at Kara with pity and tears in her eyes, "Are you okay?"

"Yes." Kara lied. It had gotten so easy to do that these last few months.

"Kara, please. You almost died, and you seem…" Alex tried her hardest to sound confident with a hint of sadness, but it all came out like a plea for help.

"Seem what?" Kara regained a calm and collected tone and looked out into the sea.

"Angry." Alex sighed, she knew Kara wouldn't speak to her about her feelings, but it was always worth a shot.

"I have to go back down there. Bloodsport could fire a nuke at any moment and we need to be ready." Kara avoided the question. She knew Alex wouldn't want to get into an argument, not in public, and especially not after their argument earlier that day.

As Kara finished her sentence, the Martian Manhunter flew out of the water, lifting the submarine above his head. People cheered as J'onn found a clear place to set it down. Kara looked onto the scene, feeling useless. Here she was at her own statue unraveling and she couldn't even save the day. She felt worthless. Tears started to well up in her eyes, so she flew away.

* * *

Kara flew into her apartment at superspeed, changing into a t-shirt and joggers. She then ran into her living room and stopped. All her feelings came crashing down on her all at once. While she had been flying and speeding around, they had been easy to forget about, but all the bad thoughts she had avoided had come back at her.

Her legs gave out on her and Kara fell to her knees. Tears streamed down her face and all she could do was shout in anger and frustration. She was worthless, she was useless, she was a murderer, she was broken. She couldn't save anybody, not Mon-el, nor her mother.

She couldn't even save herself.

* * *

Thank you for reading and I really hope you enjoyed this first chapter. I really want to delve into Kara's brain and what may have been going through her mind. I might make the next chapter take place during the Triggers episode, but I'm not sure yet. Reviews are greatly appreciated, thank you again! 


	2. Chapter 2 - Chilling Solace

So at the end of the last chapter I did say that this chapter would most likely take place during Triggers, well I didn't do that...yet. This chapter takes place a day after chapter one. Also, the _italics_ represent flashbacks.

I do not own Supergirl and its characters

 **TRIGGER WARNING: Depression, Suicidal thoughts**

* * *

Kara's eyes fluttered open to a soft knocking at her door. She looked around the room she was in, surprised that she wasn't in her bed. She turned her head slightly, turning towards the origin of the sound. The kryptonian used her x-ray vision to see who was on the other side of the door. There she saw Lena, standing up straight with what looked to be a stern yet worried expression.

Kara stood up but was flooded with pain. Memories of what had happened the night before coursed through her mind: her argument with Alex, the statue revealing, the submarine, the water, and then coming to her room and crying. She didn't know how long she had been asleep, or when she fell asleep. All she remembered were the tears streaming down her face.

The woman tried to stand again, this time resulting in success. She grabbed her glasses and slid them on. She also grabbed a hair tie and tied her hair up in a messy ponytail, she knew her glasses weren't enough to conceal her identity to Lena, but hopefully the ponytail would do.

Reaching for the knob, a flood of thoughts came over Kara. Lena could be here to complain about how she had given up on CatCo and try and get her to come back. She could come and talk about Supergirl and about how she had almost died. The worst thing Kara could think of came to mind: She would want to talk about Mon-el.

Lena noticed the knob turning and straightened herself even more than she already was. She presented a face of worry upon her face but also tried to seem as sure of herself as possible. If there was anything beneficial she learned from the Luthor household, it was control of her body language. As the door opened, Lena noticed Kara's face was covered in little dots similar to what it would look like if somebody held their hand down to a carpet for an extended period of time.

"Hey Kara, may I come in?" Lena shoved aside asking about the spots and focus on what she came to speak to Kara about.

"Oh, sure." Kara stepped back, pulling the door wider.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." Lena said the words slowly, hoping it would make the sentence sound less foreboding. As she sat down at the nearby counter, she added, "If you don't mind, that is."

Kara had a bad feeling about what was coming, but responded with, "Sure, what do you want to talk about."

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about Catco, but when I went there, James said you quit." Lena said with a tone of worry. She hoped she hadn't rushed into it, but she tried to maintain a calm demeanor.

"Yeah…I decided it wasn't what I wanted to do anymore." Kara sat down next to Lena, refusing to make eye contact. She had just had this conversation with Alex, she really didn't want to rehash the same conversation again.

"Let me start over…" Lena realized she came at this at the wrong angle, she didn't want to upset Kara, rather get help from a friend, "You remember how Morgan Edge bought Catco?"

Kara sighed, happy with the subject taken away from her, but also worried about Catco being involved, "Yeah, I was sure he was going to take over soon. I guess that never happened."

"Actually, he didn't buy Catco," Lena started to fiddle with her hands but stopped as soon as she realized what she was doing. As she sat up straighter, she continued her sentence, "I did."

Kara's jaw dropped at this, but she closed it quickly. So many thoughts were flooding through her mind, all negative. Lena was a great friend, but buying Catco seemed a bit much, "Really? That…that's great."

"And I was hoping you would be there to help me with the ins and outs of it all." Lena exclaimed, her hopes coming out in a wide smile.

"Couldn't you ask James for help?" Kara looked downwards, so this is why Lena had started the conversation with her resignation.

"I would, but you were Cat Grant's assistant for years and you worked there way longer than him. Plus, it would be nice to have a friend to talk to."

"I could just text you for what you need." Kara mumbled, hoping for a better excuse to come to mind.

"That could work, but aren't you going to get another job? You can't just quit and not do anything afterwards." Lena looked into Kara's eyes, which were pointed directly at her fiddling hands. Lena leaned towards Kara and gripped her hands tightly.

Kara sat in silence for a while, trying to reach for something to say. She was starting to develop an idea when she felt Lena's hands grip hers. They were cold but the chill felt good. It reminded Kara of the chill she felt in the water. Where she felt the breath of life leave her, the chill of death surrounding her body. The chill felt so good. She gripped Lena's hands tight, hoping to feel more of the cold.

Lena noticed how long her friend had been silent. She looked at Kara's face, hoping for some form of expression so she would know what to say. Surprisingly, she saw a small smile creep across Kara's face as she felt her hands being held tighter. It felt good at first, but then Lena's hands started to pulse with pain. Kara's grip grew tighter and tighter, as well as Lena's pain.

Kara loved the chill, but she could sense it fading. She stared at her and Lena's hands, gripping tighter. All she wanted was to feel the cold again. Though she was staring at their hands, Kara's mind was completely elsewhere. It was sinking into the depths of the water while also soaring into space.

"Kara. Kara. Kara!" Lena's voice rose with panic each time she said her name. Kara snapped back to reality, releasing Lena's hand as her breath quickened. She looked at her shaking hands and felt tears welling in her eyes.

"Go." Kara managed to say before the tears started to fall from her face.

Lena stayed despite what her friend was saying and rubbed her shoulder as a try to comfort her. She was worried about being hurt again by Kara, yes, but she was more worried for Kara. She had seen Kara smile genuinely as she held her hand, even before the pain started.

"It's going to be okay Kara, it's alright." Lena embraced Kara in a hug, holding her close.

* * *

Kara sipped her tea, concentrating on her strength so as not to break it with her superhuman strength. It was something she hadn't had to worry about in a long time, but after what had happened with Lena just hours before had scared her so much, she had to concentrate on each and every action to keep from crushing an object between her fingers. She could tell Lena was scared of her too, the look in her eyes as she left Kara's apartment, it was a mix of worry and terror.

Lena had stayed with Kara for about two hours before leaving for an L-Corp emergency. The most Kara remembered from the time in between the hand situation and Lena leaving was sobbing. She didn't remember what she or Lena had said, and maybe it was best that she didn't.

As the warm tea fell down her throat, Kara stood up and walked to the bathroom. She turned on her sink and felt the water run on her hands. It was cold, but not cold enough. She turned the right knob as far as it would go and rubbed her hands together. The cold was entrancing, it made her feel happy. Like when she dreamt about Mon-el or her mother. As she rubbed the water onto her face, she was brought back to the hope that she would see them again.

Water dripped from her face and onto her neck and shirt. She rubbed her hands through her hair, feeling it thicken with the small drops dripping off her fingertips. She barely noticed her clothes becoming soaked and the pruning of her fingers.

The world around her seemed to disappear and she sighed with relief. For every drop she felt fall off her body, she would replace it with a handful of water. She felt like she was sinking under, every second she was embraced in the water she was a second to being closer to being back to Mon-el.

Her eyes were shut tight and she smiled brightly. The darkness under her eyelids just reminded her more and more of the silence and peace surrounding her. Her hands shook not only from the cold but the excitement she got from the water. Her feet barely managed to grip the soaked tile underneath her, but it went unnoticed. All she felt was peace, it was all she needed.

* * *

A loud beeping in Kara's eyes pulled her from her peaceful seclusion. It was James's watch, no doubt. Kara quickly turned off the sink and changed into her suit. She sped off into the skies, hoping the wind would dry her hair out by the time she got to James. As she was flying, her mind drifted to the night sky. She had looked up to the stars for months, hoping that Mon-el would fly his pod through the stars and tell her he had found a cure and was okay.

She quickly brought her mind back to James and pushed herself to go faster. She landed on the porch of what would and knocked on the glass door. She was greeted with James walking out and standing with her.

"What's the emergency, James?" Kara cut straight to the point. She hated that she was interrupted from her solace.

James turned to her and took a deep breath, "You, Kara, you are the emergency."

Kara's face turned red, he had bleepered her two days in a row over things that weren't important, "What makes you think that's an excuse to bleeper me here? Did not hear a single word I said yesterday?"

James sighed, he had been expecting this same reaction from Kara, "Lena told me about what happened. She's worried about you, we all are."

Kara stood up straight, looking James in the eye with fire in hers, "I am fine, I lost control for a second but I'm over it."

"I don't know, it seemed like more than that." James remembered his conversation with Lena on the phone. She sounded more worried and scared than he had ever heard her or any Luthor sound before.

* * *

" _Hello?" James answered his phone, seeing Lena's name pop up._

" _I need to talk to you about Kara. I'm worried about her." Lena's voiced shook with fear as she held the phone tightly._

" _What about her?" James questioned. He knew Kara had been rather angry lately, but he had a feeling this was a bit more than that._

" _I went to see her earlier and…" Lena stopped, swallowing her pride and letting herself show emotion. Even though she didn't know James that well, she knew he was close to Kara and she knew Kara needed help._

" _And what?"_

" _I think there's something wrong. Not just wrong as in she's avoiding events and people, but she's hurting people."_

" _What do you mean 'hurting people'?"_

" _She looked upset, so I grabbed her hands. She gripped them back, and then she started to smile. I thought she was happy to have somebody there for her but then…" Lena stopped. She wasn't sure if James wanted or needed to hear this part._

" _Then what?" There was a soft edge to James's voice as he anticipated something awful._

" _She grabbed my hands tighter. She kept smiling as she started crushing my hand. It felt like she was trying to break it, but she didn't notice it until I had to shout her name."_

" _I…I don't know what to say. Are you okay?"_

" _I'm fine, but I don't think Kara is. She told me to leave after she snapped back to reality and started sobbing. I think she needs somebody to talk to, but I think she might be worried to talk to me."_

" _I'll try my hardest. Thank you for telling me this. I'll talk to you later."_

" _Thank you so much."_

" _It's no problem, I'll see you tomorrow." James ended the call and thought about his options. He decided that after everybody had left to call Kara._

* * *

"There was nothing more to it than what she said." Kara stated, hoping that she had only mentioned the hand incident and nothing about what conversation they might have had.

"She said you tried to crush her hands, that you were sobbing. Kara, there is something wrong and I know you haven't really been talking to people about your feelings, but I need you to know that you can talk to me about it." James laid his hand on Kara's shoulder, hoping it would comfort her somehow.

"What happened was none of your business. I'm fine." Kara removed her friend's arm from her shoulder and turned to fly away. Before she leapt into the sky, she turned her face towards James, "Don't bother trying to call me with your watch, I'm not coming back."

She flew off into the night sky and back into her apartment. She took her time changing out of her suit and tucked it into the back of one of her drawers. She then walked to the shower, twisting the knob slowly. She watched as the water poured down, mesmerized by its beauty. The water fell down onto her body, and her problems drifted away once more.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading! Also, I know this was a quick update, but I'm on break right now and bored out of my mind. Also, feel free to leave a review, I'm only slightly addicted to reading them. Anyways, thank you again and I'll see you in the next chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3 - Crystallized Fantasies

Before I start, this one is a bit of a filler chapter. It's more of a dive into Kara's mind and what is motivating her to do the things that she wants to do. I hope you enjoy. Also, I know there was a problem with the lines for the last chapter which made it hard to tell when the story ended. I'm sorry about that, but I was able to fix it for this one. I'm still trying to figure out the format I want for the story and if you have any suggestions fell free to leave them in a review.

 **Trigger Warning: Depression, Drowning, Self-Harm**

* * *

Kara walked through a large field covered in grass that went up to her knees. The grass was a lime green, slightly brighter than normal due to the bright sun reflecting off of it. It swayed in the light wind as if dancing to a slow rhythm. Kara walked slowly through it, rubbing each blade she passed with her fingertips. Her white robes were slightly brought back as she passed through the blades.

She could see a blinding light in front of her. She knew it wasn't the sun, for she could feel its heat on her back. It was almost hypnotic, drawing her closer and closer. The light dimmed as she stepped closer, she could now make out a human shape. The light stood up straight, looking directly at her. Even though it hurt, Kara opened her eyes wider. A small laugh escaped the humanoid light, one that Kara knew fairly well.

Kara finally reached the light, and she stroked its face. When her hand touched the shape, the white turned into a soft peach. The longer she held her hand there, the more of the light was revealed. She stared into its blue eyes. She knew who those eyes belonged to and as more of the light succeeded, she could see more and more of the man she suspected it to be.

The final patch of light finally left the shape, revealing Mon-El to Kara's hopes. Kara's eyes watered at the sight of the man she loved dressed in similar robes to her own. Oh, how she had longed to see him for these past months, how she wanted to hold him close for as long as she possibly could. She stood in a happy shock, still holding Mon-El's face in her hands. Tears streamed down her face as she couldn't contain her happiness anymore. She felt Mon-El's warm hands wipe the tears from her face, which only made more tears fall down. Her hands fell down from his face and wrapped them around his back, embracing him in a tight hug. Mon-El returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around Kara. He rubbed her back softly, letting her cry into his chest.

"I…I thought you were g…gone." Kara said softly. She stuttered slightly as she choked on her cries.

Mon-El grabbed Kara's shoulder's loosely, pulling her out in front of him. He then grasped her head with his right hand and looked into her love-filled eyes, "I'm right here, with you. I love you Kara, and no matter where I am, that is never going to change."

Kara grabbed Mon-El's head and pulled him into a soft kiss. Mon-El kissed her back warmly and his arms traveled from her head to her hips. Kara's tears left a salty taste on both of their lips, but they didn't mind. Kara rubbed her hands through Mon-El's hair, remembering the feeling as if she had done it just hours before. Kara's tears soon stopped falling as she embraced Mon-El fully, he was here, and he was never going to leave.

Kara let go of Mon-El for a moment, taking in a deep breath. She smiled at the man in front of her, longing for more. She was about to kiss him again when another bright light grabbed her attention, this one was a sky blue. It walked in the grass fields holding a small pink flower. It walked slowly towards Kara but stopped before Kara could see what the shape was. She looked up at Mon-El, who was also staring at the light. He looked at Kara, nodding his head as if saying that Kara could leave his side. Kara slowly walked towards the blue light which reminded her of the dress her mother wore. Her pace quickened at the thought of who it could be. She was now standing in front of the figure. The shape was once again humanoid, but it seemed to be wearing robes similar to hers.

Kara didn't wait a second, hugging the shape. She didn't look at who it might be until she heard a faint whisper, "Kara…"

Kara immediately stood up straight, looking at the face of her mother, Alura. Tears once again started streaming down her face. She stood there, sobbing, shocked at who she was looking at. Yes, she had already seen Mon-El, but seeing her mother again was something she had only dreamed about. She started to believe that the woman in front of her wasn't real, but a figment of her imagination, brought up by the happiness and hope brought by Mon-El. Her thoughts were stopped by her mother bringing her into a warm embrace. Kara's thoughts melted away as she hugged her mother back, "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Kara." Alura rubbed Kara's back softly, her hand drifting up and down. She rubbed her hands through Kara's hair, trying to soothe her daughter. Kara sobbed into her mother's robes, leaving small gray marks in the soft material. As she cried harder, another body joined the hug.

"It's okay, Kara, we're here now." Mon-El whispered into Kara's ear. He and Alura took turns comforting Kara, all the while Kara cried. This couldn't be real, it was too good to be true. She shut her eyes tight, trying to keep her tears from staining Alura's robes once more. She tried to stand up, but felt a larger weight attach itself to her feet. She stood up, using more force this time. Looking down, she was able to find out the source of the ever-growing weight: water.

The water was rising quickly. Kara looked at Mon-El and Alura for guidance, only to be greeted with looks of horror. The freezing water was up to their knees, and they were trying to stay afloat. As they waded in the deepening pool, Mon-El grabbed Kara. He held her tightly, looking her in the eye, "We'll be okay, I promise."

Suddenly, the bright blue sky started to collapse, turning itself into another layer of water. Kara was weak, not only from wading through the water but also from the emotions brought from seeing Alura and Mon-El once again. She looked around frantically for the two, only to see Alura's eyes shut and her body fall into the deep ocean. Mon-El's arms and legs slowed and he started to struggle to stay up. Kara tried to swim over to him, but her body refused to move forward. Mon-El sank into the water and Kara let go. She too fell deep into her watery grave, her final bubbles of oxygen escaping her lungs. She looked at the sinking Mon-El, realizing that if she died here, they would be together in the afterlife. Her eyes shut tightly, and she let the last of her life leave her, replaced by the freezing yet comforting chill of the water.

* * *

Kara's eyes slowly fluttered open as she realized that she was in her bed. She refused to get up, letting her head rest on the cold pillow left wet from her hair the night before. She thought of the dream she had had. It wasn't the first where she had seen Mon-El and Alura, but it was one of the first that didn't end in her being interrupted by a crime or a nightmare. Even though she had drowned in her dream, it still felt like a good one.

The kryptonian sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes as she did so. She groggily walked into her bathroom, nothing could wake her up like a cold shower. She undressed and turned the shower water to the coldest setting that would still cover her body. The water ran over her body, but it didn't satisfy her as much as it had just hours earlier. Her dream had given her a larger need for the cold, a larger need to be closer to…him.

Kara took a deep breath in and breathed out a cold cloud of frost. It froze the water, which fell onto her in icy crystals that melted upon impact of her skin. The crystals hurt slightly when touching her skin, but she could handle it, she was a superhero after all. She repeated the process, deep breath in, cold breath out. She blocked out all outside noises by focusing on the ice hitting her skin. The quiet yet ear piercing shatter followed by it melting into water.

Kara couldn't see anymore, all that was visible was the frost emitting from her mouth. There was nothing but the chill, and the best part was that it was from inside of her. She could be the chill, the freeze that brought her closer to Mon-El and Alura. She could do it, she could bring herself to them. She just needed to be a little colder…

* * *

 **Thank you for reading this chapter! Feel free to leave a review. I know this was a bit of a filler chapter, but it was better than what I was originally going to make it about (another character argument which I already had last chapter and didn't want to repeat so soon). I'm trying to upload chapters on a weekly basis, but since the semester is starting in four days, I'm guessing that's not going to happen anytime soon, so thank you for being patient ahead of time.**


	4. Chapter 4 - Voices of Comfort

As the ice crystals started to warm, Kara realized she couldn't do this much longer. She shut her mouth tight, disappointed that she had to end so soon. She turned off the water and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around her. Wiping the mirror, the kryptonian realized she was removing mist rather than steam. It was cool under her fingertips, and she felt an urge to wipe more off.

Then she saw her face. Her pale body shivered, and her teeth chattered softly. She rubbed her cheek, feeling no warmth. Her pruned fingers shook as she felt around the rest of her face. The void of temperature was oddly soothing to her, that there was nothing but cold in her body.

Kara smiled, feeling closer than ever to Mon-El. She could feel him looking down on her, waiting for her to come to him. She was so close, yet so far. Reaching out her right hand, she hoped he would grab it. She didn't need to see him, just feel something. A gust of wind, a drop of water, something. Nothing came.

A deep, sorrowful sigh escaped Kara's mouth as she ran a brush through her hair. She hadn't gotten cold…close enough to him. She imagined his rage and sadness as he felt her warming up, getting farther and farther from him.

Before she let her mind wander off to any darker thoughts, Kara exited her restroom and looked for something to wear. She slipped on the first outfit she could find. She reached up to tie her hair but then realized that she hadn't dried it before. She decided that going back into the bathroom would only make things worse and waiting for it to dry would take too long, so she decided to let it dry out while flying. It had worked when she needed to see James, it would work now.

The kryptonian used her superspeed to change into her Supergirl suit and flew off into the skies. The world seemed to slow as everything around her became a blur. The deafening winds blocked any other sounds from reaching her ears.

She remembered the talk she had had with J'onn before she had almost drowned, how he said the only place that was ever really quiet was the skies. She agreed with what he had said, but not in the same way he meant it. For Kara, everything was quiet enough for her to hear his voice, Mon-El's voice. Whether it be memories of things he had told her before, or conversations she wished they had had, everything she heard stuck to her. Sometimes, when she closed her eyes, she would see him. Dreams in the kryptonian plain, a place she held close to her heart. While on Krypton, there were many love stories where people would go and meet out in the grasses. It was a place where soulmates found each other and wishes came true. For Kara, her wish was always to see her mother again and her love for Mon-el would make that wish come true.

She stopped flying and instead hovered. Looking at the city below, she was reminded of all the things they had done together. She looked closely at the streets below, even from such a high area, she could see them so clearly. Kara squinted, focusing on the bar where he got her drunk for the first time. A small giggle escaped her lips as she remembered how angry she had been with him for it. She remembered it like it was yesterday.

Her eyes wandered for another place, another memory to look at, but her eyes fixated on three men in an alleyway. Two of them were huddled together, arms wrapped around each other in fear. The other man was walking closer and closer to them. He held something in his hand, the shape of it suggested it was some type of gun. Kara immediately flew downwards towards them, ignoring the voice of Mon-El as she tried to hear what the other men were saying.

"Please, we need this money for rent!" One of the men stated, his voice quaked slightly, but was still rather steady.

"We're begging you! Just let us go and we'll be on our way! We won't say a thing about you, and we'll act like it never happened!" The other man was the opposite, he seemed on the edge of tears.

Now knowing the basics of the situation, Kara flew faster towards the alley. She landed behind who she suspected to be the criminal and grabbed his shoulder. He turned his head quickly, his blonde hair bouncing slightly from the quick motion.

"Don't you think you should at least until it gets dark to rob somebody?" Kara used her free hand to punch the blonde in the stomach. He fell down, holding his belly in pain. The bright sun shined down on his pale face. Kara noted this, believing it could be from malnourishment. If he was poor, then maybe robbery was the only way for him to get money. She then found what he had been holding, a small pistol. She picked it up, examining the silver gun in her hands. It reflected light into Kara's eyes and she dropped it next to the criminal. She grabbed him by the collar and lifted him, "I'm going to leave you here, and you are going to stay here until the cops come."

The kryptonian punched the robber in the stomach a second time and left him on the ground. She then walked towards the other two men, "Are you two okay?"

One of them, the one who sounded as if he was about to cry, spoke, "Thanks to you!"

The other man joined in, "Yes, we were worried we were going to lose the money we needed to pay the dry cleaners for drying our tuxedos. We would normally pay in credit, but we've heard some shady things about the area and didn't want to get any money stolen from our account."

"And boy was what we heard right," The first man replied, his green eyes lit up with happiness, "Next time, Honey, let's just go to the expensive one near the apartment."

Kara walked away slowly, realizing that the two were fine and didn't need anything more from her. She leapt into the sky and flew towards the DEO. She landed inside the building, shaking the ground slightly.

"Kara, hey!" Winn turned around in the chair he was sitting in and faced Kara. He silently sighed, realizing that he most likely wasn't going to get into a nice conversation with her, "Alex wanted to talk to you."

Kara nodded and then walked in the direction of Alex's lab. Before she could reach the room, though, Alex grabbed her arm, "We need to talk."

"I've heard." Kara followed Alex into one of the training rooms. Alex waited for Kara to enter and then slammed the door shut. A soft click was heard as the door automatically locked itself.

"I'm guessing this is about James." Kara stated. Memories from the conversation she had had with him still lingered in her mind.

"Yes, he called me as soon as it happened. I tried calling you last night and this morning, but you never answered. I tried going to your apartment around ten when you didn't show up here and I got no answers. I'm not leaving until I get some answers." Alex crossed her arms and stared at Kara with daggers in her eyes. She had tried the sympathetic route with Kara, but now she had no other choice than to talk to Kara with anger.

"Wait, you came at ten, like in the morning?" Kara let her guard drop as she looked at Alex confused. She had gotten into the shower at around nine, there was no way she had been in there longer than an hour, "What time is it now?"

"Yes, in the morning. And it's about twenty after one." Alex was taken aback by Kara's confusion.

"There's no way…" Kara started to mutter. She had taken her shower, which couldn't have taken her that long, then she had taken that flight around the city and stopped that robbery. No way that could have taken more than an hour to do the last two combined. Her eyes darted around the room as she tried to remember how long she had been doing those three things.

"There's no way what?" Alex snapped Kara back to reality. Her tone had lightened as she thought she was getting somewhere with Kara, but there was still some venom to her words.

"Nothing, I just thought it was earlier." Kara composed herself again, standing up straight and looking Alex in the eye. She hid all emotion from her face and stared at her sister sternly.

"How could you let so much time get away from you? Did you lose it watching Cat Grant talk about how great the presidential candidate is while drinking tea and eating pot stickers? Were you too busy prepping up your hair or thinking about the world to look at a clock?" Alex's voice went straight to being harsh and angry again. She was annoyed that whenever she would get close to getting something from Kara, her sister would just deny there was anything more to her feelings.

"I woke up on time, and I wasn't wasting it doing whatever you just said. I was looking for any crimes happening and stopped a robbery." Kara looked straight into Alex's eyes. There was no emotion except anger glaring from them and it would have scared Kara if she wasn't used to it by now.

"And you just decided it wouldn't be a good idea to stop by here?"

"I put the city over everything else, I wanted to make sure everything was alright."

"But did you take a second to make sure you were alright?" Alex spat the words in Kara's face, "Look at you! Your skin is pale, your eyes are baggy, and you look sick. You never show any emotion and when you do you either cover it up or deny it even existed. You never look happy, even when you smile it looks fake. I can see it in your eyes every day, there is nothing but sadness and emptiness behind them."

Kara felt her eyes tearing up, but at the same time feeling a warmth of rage build up. She knew that if got any angrier, a blast of heat would escape her eyes. She didn't realize she had made it so obvious that there was a problem with her, that people could see how broken she was. By hiding all of her emotions she had let her true self show, an empty void. Before she could stop it, a tear rolled down her face. She felt a hand reach up and wipe it from her face.

"I know it hurts, but I'm here. It going to be okay." Alex wrapped her arms around Kara, hoping to comfort her. She was happy she was finally getting something through to Kara. She hoped that Kara's tears weren't from her feelings being hurt, but from a realization that she needed to have before she could take a step forward into feeling better. As she rubbed Kara's back comfortingly, her accidentally touched the back of Kara's neck. She laughed a little, trying to bring a little humor into the situation, "God, you're freezing."

* * *

 **I actually got this in on the week deadline I made for myself. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I had a few drafts of it I made throughout the week that were really...let's just say that I would never release them to anybody close to me. I was nervous about getting this out on time, but it worked out in the end. Anyways, thank you for reading and feel free to leave a review.**


	5. Chapter 5 - A Misty Thought

"Hello?" James held his phone to his ear as he opened the door to exit Catco. The opaque glass clashed slightly with the metal handle James gripped. The handle sent a small chill down his hand, but he was used to it.

"Hey, it's Alex. I talked to Kara." Alex sat down on Kara's couch. Kara had tried her hardest to keep Alex from coming to her apartment, but after Alex had seen Kara that day, there was no stopping her. Kara was in the shower, she had just got in and Alex expected her to be in there a while. Her sister would definitely want some time to think and a shower seemed like the best option to Alex.

"How'd it go? Are we on good terms now or…?" James waited for Alex to finish the sentence but was left with a surprising silence on her end. As he walked down the busy street, the noise of people filled up the void.

"She didn't talk about you," Alex tried to find a way to say what she was thinking, "she didn't talk that much, actually."

"So, what does that mean? Did she just not want to talk?" James quickened his pace as he approached a small coffee place. It would be better to sit someplace quieter instead of have to walk through the city noise. Plus, he could grab himself a nice drink and snack.

"She came into the DEO late and when I got onto her about it, she seemed more confused than anything. It was like she had lost track of time but not in the sense that she didn't know what time it was, but that she had thought it was a different time altogether. She said that she was patrolling the city that entire morning, but sightings of Supergirl didn't arise until around noon. I don't think she overslept either, she looked…sick." Alex sighed. She had tried to shrug away the thought that Kara wasn't just emotionally suffering, but also physically ill as well. Kara had never gotten sick in her life; well accept for that one time she lost her powers and caught a cold. There was no way she had lost her powers, though, she had flown into the DEO just as she always did.

"Kara can't be sick, she's Kara." James stood in line, waiting for the person in front of him to move up. James quickly ordered his coffee as he waited for Alex to respond.

Alex noticed James start to order a drink, so she had remained quiet, but as soon as she heard silence on his end, she replied, "Not like a virus sick. Her eyes are baggy, which shows signs of unrest. Normally, they aren't necessarily bad, and a ton of people have them, but it wasn't just that. Her skin was pale which made them stand out even more. Plus, she was freezing. I don't know how she could have been so cold if she wasn't outside the city."

"She could have gone to the Fortress of Solitude, it's pretty cold in the artic." James sat down, taking a sip of his coffee. He tried to put some logic towards what was going on with Kara, surely it couldn't be that bad.

"Yes, but that hasn't really affected her like this. I'm guessing it might have been direct contact with subzero temperatures. Not just standing in an ice cave or in a field of snow, but like if she was frozen in an ice cube, everything surrounding her just being freezing cold."

"But what could possibly cause that besides…" James started. He couldn't finish his sentence, surely Kara wouldn't have done that to herself.

"Besides what?" Alex's voice rose in curiosity and concern. Also, she knew raising her voice would help convince James to give her information.

James's voice lowered as he said each word one at a time, hardly believing what he was saying himself, "Besides her freeze breath."

"And how would that work? Last time I checked, she could only use it in the direction her mouth was facing, no way could it cover her body." Alex was in disbelief, trying to find as many reasons as she could as to why James was wrong.

James could sense Alex's stubbornness to accept what he was saying, but he continued, "Maybe directed in an upward direction in a certain environment. Once, Superman was fighting a villain and needed to get him in freezing temperatures. The villain was moving too much for Supes to freeze him in a general direction, so he blew at the rain coming from above. Stopped the fiend dead in his tracks."

"There is no way…" Alex started.

James quickly interrupted, "I'm not saying that it's a fact, but it might be a possibility, and so far, it's the best one we've got. Kara could have possibly been doing something where she needed to freeze something, and then accidentally froze herself. There is the slight possibility it was on purpose, but I wouldn't think so."

Both ends were silent as they both waited for something to be said. As nothing came to their minds, James decided to bring the conversation back to where it had started, "Did anything else come from your conversation at the DEO?"

Alex was taken by surprise that James had switched topics so quickly, but she understood why, "Yeah, I think I got through to her, or at least made a crack in the ice."

"Really? What did she say?" James's voice perked up slightly, excited to hear if Kara was improving mentally.

"As I said before, not much. I did go off on a little rant about how distant she's been and how she's been hiding her feelings away from everybody to appear stronger than she really is. I think something inside of her realized that a change needed to be made." Alex wasn't sure if she should add another part of their conversation, but she decided to since James was a close friend to Kara, "And then she started to cry."

"Wait, crying?" James was taken aback by the last sentence. Kara had done nothing but put on a smile for months now. The fact that she had shown anything other than that, even if it was for her own good, still shocked James.

"Yeah. It was a small tear at first, but it quickly escalated to sobbing. Don't tell her I told you this though, she might not trust me again." Alex whispered the last sentence as she realized that if Kara knew she was telling people these things, then Kara might not open up to her again.

"Don't worry, I learned the hard way how that works." James suppressed a chuckle. He knew that Kara didn't want a thing to do with him after he had told Alex about the bleepering incidents, and that it would take Kara awhile before she wanted to speak to him again.

"Thanks for understanding. I gotta hand up on you, I need to order pizza and Kara's favorite place closes in an hour and I know they can't make five pizzas and deliver them in time if I give them less than that." Alex laughed a little, waiting for a quick response from James.

"Yeah, I get it," James chuckled, "Just tell Kara I said hi and tell me how she's doing from time to time."

"Got it, bye."

"Bye." James turned off his phone and sat in silence. Only one thing came through his mind, Kara. He wished he could at least talk to her, see how she was doing. As he walked out of the coffee shop, he quickly texted her: Hey, how are you?

* * *

Alex placed her phone down and turned on the tv. She just had to keep an ear out for the pizza guy and she would be fine. She turned it to a station running movies, the movie playing now was The Breakfast Club. Alex said quietly, making sure to listen in case Kara needed anything. All Alex could hear, though, was the faint sound of shower water.

A faint chill ran up her spine as she started the shiver. The living room started to get colder and colder. Alex grabbed a blanket and wrapped herself tightly in a blanket as her teeth started to chatter. The temperature was dropping, and quickly. Alex thought of how cold Kara was earlier and thought of the worst.

Standing up quickly, Alex raced to the door leading to Kara's bedroom. She opened it quickly and twisted the knob to the bathroom door. The metal was freezing to the touch and Alex could barely hold it for a few seconds, "Kara!"

"Kara!" Alex shouted a second time. It was colder by the door, it could have been below freezing. Alex felt an even colder breeze against her toes. Looking down, she noticed a small cloud of mist emitting from the bottom crack in the door. That was it, Alex was not going to let whatever this was hurt her sister.

"Kara!" Alex slipped on a pair of Kara's shoes and then kicked above the lock on Kara's door. The door opened, and a small scream could be heard from inside the shower, where the mist seemed to be coming from.

Alex ran to the shower and quickly pulled the curtain to the side, revealing Kara standing there alone. Her teeth were chattering against her blue lips, which stood out against her pale face. Her body shivered as she reached out and turned off the shower water. She waited for the water to stop, which only took a few seconds, and then grabbed a nearby towel, wrapping it around herself.

"Dammit Alex, warn me before you come in here." Kara mumbled. It was hard to hear through the chattering of her teeth.

"I did! I shouted your name three times!" Alex motioned at the mist surrounding the floor with a shivering hand, "And how could you not see this mist? It was coming from your shower! No wonder it was so cold in your apartment, how cold was that?"

Kara stared at Alex wide-eyed, as if she had no idea what Alex was talking about. She tried to think of an excuse, but the only one she could come up with was that the air conditioning was broken. No way would Alex buy that, she was too smart. As Kara's mind rushed, she decided to walk out of the bathroom and grab a pair of pjs. She needed to stall, and this was the only way she could.

"Can't you at least explain what's happening here?" Alex's voice lowered, the anger she had felt but moments earlier replaced by concern.

"The water heater was acting up, so I used my used my freeze breath so the water wouldn't get too hot. I guess I made it a little too cold and didn't notice." Kara slipped on a t-shirt and sweatpants and walked to her kitchen.

"How did you not notice?" Alex's voice lowered once more, but this time to a tone of worry as she thought about what James had said earlier. Surely Kara wasn't using her freeze breath for just a shower.

"I don't know. Maybe it's from the whole almost drowning thing, my body could have gotten used to the cold temperature of the water and is just starting to get used to feeling warm temperatures again." A pleasant wave of coldness came over Kara's body as she reminded herself of the cool water of the lake. Her mind started to wander off to Mon-el, but she stopped herself. She had to focus on Alex.

"The almost drowning?" Alex's thoughts that were once a jumbled mess started to come together. Kara had seemed angry when J'onn saved her at the waterfront just days before. When resuscitating Kara, Alex had felt how cold her lips had been, how cold her body was. It wasn't as cold as this though. Surely Kara couldn't have taken it that extreme. Still, Alex had to know, "Did that do anything else to you."

Kara smiled genuinely, thinking of how close she had been to Mon-el and Alura. All she wanted to do was tell Alex how great it had been, almost being able to touch their hands, to feel the warmth radiating from their smiles. Kara sighed happily, "It changed my life."

"Yeah, I know. Another near-death experience to add to the books," Alex said, a tint of sarcasm on her voice, "But seriously, is there anything else on your mind. You seemed…angry when J'onn saved you."

"I thought somebody had put saving me in front of catching Bloodsport. I didn't want the safety of the city to be put behind my safety." Kara sat down on the couch, "I love this movie."

Alex sighed, realizing that she had gotten all she would get out of Kara. It was dark out anyways, Alex could wait a few hours before interrogating Kara. As Alex thought of what she would say to Kara the next day, her thoughts were interrupted by a small knock at the door. Standing up, she smiled at the thought of finally getting to share a meal with Kara after so long.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! I had a busy weekend ahead and wanted to get this out before Saturday, so here it is! I wanted to focus more on the other characters and I thought a conversation between Alex and James would work out pretty well. I might be a little late on the next chapter depending on when I can type it, I'm going on a ski trip which will last the the entire weekend plus Monday. Thanks again and feel free to leave a review!**


	6. Chapter 6 - Tears on Cold Shoulders

Kara's eyes started to flutter open as the sun's light peeked brightly through her curtains. Her arm that had just previously been hanging off the couch rose quickly to shield her eyes. She looked around her and realized she was on her couch. Faint memories of pizza and Ferris Bueller rang in her head from the night before, but the main thing running through her mind was the chill from her last shower. She rubbed her eyes and started to stand. She was about to walk to the bathroom when she saw Alex pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"You're up early." Kara instead walked into her kitchen and sat down at one of the stools.

"Well, I normally wake up early for work and today would be considered a work day," Alex grabbed her now full coffee mug and turned to face Kara, "But I'm staying here instead."

Kara forced herself not to roll her eyes. It would take a lot to get Alex out of the apartment for awhile if she wanted to get a cold shower in, and she couldn't use her daily routine as an excuse. Maybe acting like everything was okay would work, it had for months now, "You don't have to do that. I'm fine now, I just woke up late and had a rough start to the day."

Alex shook her head, "I don't think so. Don't think I'm going back to believing the whole 'I'm fine' excuse so soon. Besides, we haven't spent time with each other in a while."

Kara held back a sigh, "What about Maggie? Don't you two have a wedding to plan?"

"Maggie is worried about you too. I didn't tell her what happened yesterday, but she has been noticing how off you've been. Besides, you are much more important than a wedding plan." Alex took a sip of her coffee and sat next to Kara.

"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you if Maggie gets a little upset." Kara didn't have to energy to argue right now. All she wanted to do was feel the chill of Mon-El.

"She'll be fine as long as you are fine." Alex looked Kara in the eyes, "And can we please actually talk without you shutting me out? I need complete honesty here."

Kara's eyes avoided Alex's, instead looking at the door, "No promises."

"What?"

"I mean, sure. Yeah, I can do that." Kara looked into Alex's eyes sternly, silently cursing to herself for slipping up.

"Okay, but first, breakfast." Alex whipped out her phone and scrolled through the many restaurant apps she saw, "I'm going to pick up some breakfast from Batburger, they just added Bat-Biscuits to the breakfast menu. What do you want me to get you?"

"I'll take a few Batburgers." The ends of Kara's lips curling up slightly in excitement.

"Okay, but they won't be serving that for another half hour." Alex grabbed her wallet and walked over to the door, "Aren't you coming with me?"

Kara looked around, "I'll stay here and put some new clothes on. I don't really thank going out in what I wore yesterday is such a good idea."

"Okay, but can you at least meet me there when you are done? And don't tell me you can't because I know it only takes you five minutes to get ready." Alex grabbed her spare key to Kara's apartment and held the door still, hoping Kara would just walk with her.

"Okay, I'll meet you there." Kara stood up and sped off into her bedroom. She had to think fast, Alex would get to Batburger in about ten minutes or so, which gave Kara about fifteen to twenty minutes to get ready. That wasn't even close to enough time to get what she wanted. As she thought of solutions, she quickly changed into her clothing. The wind coming from her speed was cooling and she found it refreshing. It wasn't as cold as she wanted, not even close, but it was something.

Kara looked at herself in the mirror. Her skin wasn't as pale as it was yesterday, and she had covered up the bags under her eyes with makeup. She tied her hair up and slipped on her glasses as she looked down at her arms. She rubbed her left wrist with her right hand, feeling how warm it was.

"You're so far away. How could you let this happen?" The voice of Mon-El rang through her head. She wasn't cold, she wasn't with him. While he was freezing in the cold depths of space, here she was feeling the heat of the sun. She didn't deserve it. She had never deserved it. Tears started to well in her eyes as Kara realized that she needed something cold on her if she was going to get through the day. Her breath started to quicken as she felt herself panicking.

Then she realized that if she wanted to calm down, she should just take a deep breath.

Kara held out her right wrist this time and took a deep breath in. She breathed out a large cloud of mist that surrounded her wrist, freezing it. A cold blue came over it, tinted by the mist. She didn't notice the mist evaporating around the pale skin, rather she concentrated on the sickening pain she felt. It felt as if she was being stabbed a thousand times over, unable to stop it. It overwhelmed her, and the world around her faded away. All there was left was her wrist and the cold.

And Mon-El's voice.

"We're so close, Kara, I can almost feel you. Just a little bit colder and we can finally see each other again. Kara, it's been too long. I need you, I need you to be colder."

Kara wiped tears from her eyes and sped away. She wanted the cold so much, she also didn't want to be interrogated again by Alex.

* * *

Kara sat down at the table for two that Alex had sat at, "Told you I would be here on time."

"And somehow I got here before you." Alex leaned back, crossing her arms.

"What? I wasn't going to speed across the street and just stop at Batburger. No way would anybody just happen to not see it." Kara looked around the table, "No Bat-Biscuits yet?"

"Good point, and no. I'm just waiting for my order though. Shouldn't be taking this long though, we're basically the only people here." Alex stared angrily at the cash register.

"Relax, they're most likely just tired. I'm sure they didn't have time for breakfast at all." Kara looked where Alex was looking, her eyes greeted by those of a worried cashier.

The two looked away. Alex perked up a bit, realizing that maybe acting so grumpy around Kara wasn't a good idea at the moment, "So what's up with you? Now that you have a ton of free time, what are you doing when you aren't saving the world?"

"Private research." Kara responded quickly. She had been practicing that answer ever since she quit Catco, "Helps me get ahead on fighting crime."

"Sounds cool. I honestly thought you would just start working at the DEO full time." Alex shrugged.

"I thought of it, but it's not like there is a crime every second in National City. Besides, I always have the news on in case something does need my attention." Kara looked at the table, she really did not want to be talking to Alex right now. She just needed to be alone.

Alex noticed Kara's upset gaze and grabbed her wrists, which were laying on the table, "Kara, you don't have to work all the time. Maybe some downtime could do you some good."

Kara looked worriedly into Alex's eyes as she felt her warm hands on her wrists. She quickly settled her gaze before sliding her arms away from Alex's, "I wasn't saving people at Catco. All I ever did there was tell people what was going on in the world and Cat Grant coffee. I want to make up for the time I wasted not doing what I could to save the people around me."

Alex looked at Kara distraught, not only from Kara avoiding Alex's comfort but also avoiding making herself happy, "Kara, you know that nobody will blame you if you take some time to yourself."

"They won't blame me, they'll blame Supergirl." Kara looked Alex in the eye with a stern expression, though Alex could see the sorrow hiding behind it.

Before Alex could respond, a shaky voice yelled, "Order for Alex Danvers!"

Alex quickly stood up and rushed over to the counter. As she did this, Kara took the opportunity to roll her right sleeve to look at her pale wrist. The noticed the hairs standing on end from the goosebumps and how the paleness of it contrasted with the soft peach of her left hand. She admired how cold it felt, rubbing her left hand on the freezing flesh. She was mesmerized by it. The world seemed to dissolve around her when she was cold, just as it had in the water. There was nothing but the cold and the soft voice of Mon-El getting louder in her mind.

"Turns out they thought I wanted Batburgers and a Bat-Biscuit so they decided to serve them at the exact time the breakfast closed and the lunch opened." Alex put the tray down on the table when she noticed Kara staring at her wrist, "Kara?"

Kara couldn't hear Alex, for the voice of Mon-El was deafening her, "I don't deserve to be so cold alone. You did this to me, you have to suffer with me." His voice got colder in time, but Kara couldn't help but believe it. She had left him alone in that pod, something she had hated her parents for doing to her. She realized that tears were welling in her eyes when she heard her name, "Kara?"

Kara looked up to see Alex standing right in front of her, her hands in a position that looked as if she had just snapped them. Alex looked at Kara's wrist and how pale it was, the goosebumps crawling over her skin, and how it contrasted against her face. She saw the tears welling up in Kara's eyes and reached out to wipe them.

Kara leaned backwards, avoiding Alex's hand. Instead, she wiped her tears with her cold wrist, feeling the faint chill against her eye, "Sorry, still a little cold from last night."

Alex sat down across from Kara, but still kept eye contact with her, "Kara. I'm sorry but I can't keep doing this. I let it slide last night, but today we are finally addressing this…" Alex motioned to Kara's wrist, "…problem."

Kara sniffled, looking at Alex with pure sadness and hopelessness, "Okay, but can we at least eat these first?"

Alex looked at her biscuit, her appetite was gone but she knew Kara's was still there, "Yeah, sure."

* * *

As the two entered the apartment, Kara walked straight to her couch and sat on the left side. She sat with her knees bent next to her. Alex also sat down, but on the right side. She knew Kara wouldn't want to be right next to her when they talked about this.

"Just go ahead and say it." Kara looked at the couch. She could already feel the tears welling in her eyes.

"Say what?" Alex calmed her tone, she couldn't come at this angrily, at least not yet.

"Say that I'm being stupid, that I should just get over it and be fine, say that I'm avoiding my problems by making new ones, say that…" Kara started to ramble before being interrupted by Alex.

"I'm not here to criticize you, Kara, I just want to understand." Alex tried to meet Kara's eyes, but could only find a downward gaze.

"What did you do when Jeremiah first disappeared?" Kara finally matched Alex's gaze with pleading eyes.

"I was mad at you because I thought you were the reason he was gone. I wanted you to feel the pain I was feeling so I took it out on you." Alex didn't know where Kara was going, for she had told Kara this at least a thousand times.

"Did you ever take it out on yourself?"

Alex's eyes widened, but she remained clam, "No, did you?"

"Not then, no. I thought you were overreacting, seeing as I had lost all of my family and friends."

"Did that ever bother you? I know you had really bad panic attacks when you first got here but nothing too bad after that."

"Those were just from shock and old memories, but those stopped after a month or so. This feels different."

"Does it have to do with the whole drowning thing. I mean, both times you were mere inches away from death."

"It wasn't that I was close to death, I was close to…" Kara stopped, her eyes going to her wrist. She didn't want Alex to think she was crazy, that she was hearing voices inside her head. Still, she needed somebody to understand.

"Closer to who?" Alex scooted towards Kara, resting a hand comfortingly on her ankle.

Kara swallowed, "Mon-El."

"Drowning made you feel closer to Mon-El?"

"Not necessarily, at first I thought that almost dying had taken me closer to him, but then I realized it was something else. It was the freezing cold." A tear slipped down Kara's face, followed by another.

"I'm so sorry, Kara, I didn't know it was that bad." Alex scooted closer to Kara, wrapping her arm around the kryptonian's shoulders.

"That's why I was so angry with J'onn when he saved me. He took me away from Mon-El and my mother."

"Your mom?"

"Yeah, I sometimes dream of her too, but not as strong. It's like I can hear Mon-El. Whenever I'm cold, that's when his voice is the clearest. If I'm not cold, then it's only a hushed whisper, and I need to hear his voice again, Alex. I need him so bad." Kara choked on a sob after she finished her last sentence. Tears were streaming down her face and she took off her glasses to wipe them.

Alex rubbed Kara's back as it lifted up and down with her quick breaths, "It's okay, Kara. We are here, me, J'onn, Winn, James, Lena, we all want to help you."

"Alex, you don't understand. He…he feels it too. He's alone and cold in space and he blames me. He wants me to be cold just like him." Kara choked between almost every word, shame and sadness that had been building up inside of her spilling out in the form of tears and words.

"Kara, I need you to look at me." Alex looked at Kara with seriousness and hope in her eyes. Once Kara's eyes met hers, Alex spoke, "Whatever is happening to Mon-El, I know that he is okay. I'm sure as hell that he doesn't blame you for anything you did. You saved this planet and him. If you hadn't sent him off then he would have died, and even then he wouldn't have blamed you.

"I know these past few months have been hard, but you need to know that we are all here for you. Even if Mon-El is off in the stars somewhere, he is safe and alive. He is alive because of you, Kara. I will say it as many times as I have to for you to believe it.

"You saved him, Kara. You saved Mon-El."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading this chapter! Feel free to leave a review! Will Kara listen to Alex and start to get a handle on her grief, or will she still cave in to the voice inside her mind? Wait and see in the next chapter!**

 **Also, I know it's a Tuesday but I have two reasons for posting this early: The Flash is starting back up today and because I'm going on a ski trip this weekend and won't have time to post the chapter then. Plus, we are getting our floors redone so I'm having to stay at a friend's house Thursday night. Tuesday was my best option for posting. Thank you once again :)**


	7. Chapter 7 - The Final Gaze

A void of silence fell over the apartment. The only noises that could be heard were the occasional cries and hiccups that escaped from Kara. She tried to say something to fill up the gap of sound, but as soon as she would try and open her mouth to speak, that voice would return.

The voice of Mon-EL was whispering in her ear. It was clearer than usual, though still hushed. Kara dared not to speak, as every word he spoke was telling her to keep quiet.

"You let yourself be vulnerable. Now nobody will let you be close to me, nobody will let you feel my pain. Did you not understand the connection we had? Now there's nothing keeping us together. You're slipping away from me, I can feel it. Do you want to leave me alone to suffer?" He spat out each word with a sharp venom.

Kara tried to block him out, to not listen to what he was saying. She tried to hand onto the words Alex had said. Kara tried to believe that she had saved Mon-El, but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't. She wanted to shout to Alex, beg her to tell her again, but she couldn't speak. She wanted to shout to the stars, beg them to show her where her lover was, but she couldn't see them. She wanted to cry to the ocean, beg it to swallow her in a wave of fierce cold, but she couldn't move to the water.

Her mind was like a tug-of-war rope. It was being pulled between her mind and reality, but the rope was about to snap and was only a few threads away from falling to pieces. Kara could feel her tears slow and then quicken. It seemed like an everlasting cycle fueled only by hatred towards not wanting to let the rope end up on the wrong side, but she didn't know which side it was.

"Just tell her to leave. She'll have to if you threaten her, you don't need her anyways. You could freeze her, show her how I feel. Show her how much I'm suffering and why you need to. She'll leave you alone then, she'll let you stay with me." Mon-El's voice continued in her ear. His words were like wood, keeping a fierce, angry flame ignited in her mind. The flame filled her with frustration, frustration towards how she couldn't have just gotten over him, towards how she couldn't have just simply expressed her problems, and most frustrated about how no matter what she tried to do or say, his voice would always be there.

"Kara?" Alex whispered into her sister's ear. Kara's sobs had gotten louder than normal, and Alex wanted to make sure she was doing more harm than help, "Is there anything else?"

Kara could barely hear Alex over Mon-El and her own sobs, "I…I…"

As Kara tried to speak, Alex wiped tears from her sister's eyes. She couldn't stand to see Kara in such pain. The only good thing that had come from Kara shutting herself out from the world was that Alex didn't have to see her suffer, which she now realized was most likely the point of it all.

"I…can't." Kara finally stuttered out the last word of her small sentence. She could barely breathe as she tried to focus on Alex's voice, only to have it buried underneath Mon-El's whispers.

"You're starting to…fall away. You're warming up…please Kara. I need you to stay with me…don't leave me alone." Mon-El's voice started to fall away with every word. He sounded as if he was gasping for air, begging Kara to being him a connection to life.

Kara's heart beat faster with every second. She needed to be cold, she needed to save Mon-El, but she couldn't with Alex here. She didn't want to do it anyway, she was hurting herself, but she was also saving him. Her chest felt heavy as it got harder and harder for her to breathe. The world seemed to spin around her, but not in the satisfying way it had when she had frozen her wrist. This was so much worse. It was as if she was standing in front of the stars outside, but also right in front of Alex. She hugged her sister tight, telling herself to never let go.

* * *

 **I guess that's the end. It's been a wild journey and thanks to everybody for being so patient with this chapter. I tore a shoulder muscle which took ages to heal and school work was building up. I decided to rewrite this chapter and use it as the last one. I'm not sure if it's the best ending I could have made, but for now it is. Goodbye and thank you.**


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